Sick of website about pages that boringly cling to reality? Seeking an exciting read that bears no resemblance to the actual purpose of this website? Then look no further than Gnomatsu: Choose Your Own About Page, where you get to decide between fantasy and reality,
If your in the mood for Sci-Fi go to Gnomatsu Industries
If your in the mood for Fantasy goto Gnomatsu: The Sun King, Slayer of Demons
If you have no imagination goto Mundane Reality
“Well hello sweet cakes, aren’t you a pretty thing. I’d sure like to get me some o’ that, whats the going’ rate for your services like”
The slurred words arrived at Sumi’s ears about the same time as the waft of stale drunken breath filled her nostrils, and both interrupted her silent reverie as she stared into the bottom of her glass.
Kicking back her stool from the cantina bar, she rose with a resigned sigh to face the latest low-life that had rolled into this hive of scum and villainy. As she did so she heard the cantina band quiet down and felt everyones attention move towards her.
She turned to look at whatever poor wretch had chosen to disturb her, ready to toy with them, only to be taken aback. This fool bore an uncanny resemblance to her brother, the same lying cheating bastard who had sold her to a Hutt, after their parents were killed by Weyland Yutani’s mercs.
Maybe it was this resemblance that made her trigger finger twitch so quickly, maybe it just a bad day, but either way the drunks body fell to the ground, smoke still rising from the blaster hole in his chest. Speaking loudly to his corpse so all could hear, she said “the services I offer are a mite different from the ones you were expecting, but please enjoy this free sample of my work”
The cantina boss Greejo nodded at her, and then at the band. She took her seat as the music started up again and two of Greejos goons hauled the body away to be mulched for bantha fodder. Just as she began to stare into her drink again another stool was pulled up beside her. “Nice shooting Sumi. You are Sumi Gnomatsu, are you not?
“I might be, depends who’s askin’. I hope your not looking for a free sample of my work as well” she said to the stranger. “0n the contrary, I’d like to pay you a very hefty sum for a long term engagement. You will find that while you may have fallen out of favour with your brother Hikaru, the other remaining members of the board at Gnomatsu Industries appreciate your… ahem… unique skills, and have very deep coffers”
Sumi started to blurt “Gnomatsu Industries! You gotta be kiddin’ me, I could care less about those sleemo hutt-spawn and…”, but then her eyes landed on the large string of zeroes scrawled upon the slip of paper being pushed along the bar towards her, and she told the stranger “… Well that’s an offer I can’t refuse, but what do you want with me anyhow”. The stranger replied “Well to be blunt, you’re a killer, and after what they did to your parents, I imagine you have a dislike for Weyland Yutani, and that fits our bill exactly”.
Some hours later Sumi left the Cantina, contract signed and initial funds transferred. She passed by the bantha feeding trough and saw her earlier acquaintances head staring up at her from the swill. There was woman wailing by its side, she looked up and cried “why did you do this, he was just a poor moisture farmer, we just came to town to pick up some power converters, why, tell me why”
Sumi responded simply “he looked like my brother”.
Thus she began her contract for Gnomatsu Industries adding geekery to this website, until every member of Weyland Yutani’s board was taken down.
In the before time, it said that that lands of the shadowed sun underwent a great tribulation. The peoples of the world had spurned their gods and fallen to avarice and greed, and such was their base depravity that their gods abandoned them and left the planes of man.
In their absence the lords of the underworld saw an opportunity and reached out to grasp it. They rent asunder the gates put in place by the heavenly hosts that barred them entry to the lands of man, and poured forth into the daylight realm.
The ravening hordes of chaos knew no end to their hunger for mortal pain, and no earthly power could quench their thirst for mans suffering. So it was that the Demon Kings drove their fel legions to the ends of the earth and into all of mans domains, destroying and devouring all that lay in their path.
There was no hope, no chance of survival for the last remnants of mankind. Those pitiful wretches that had fled the oncoming horde gathered in the desert of Deaths Promise, finding refuge in a hastily built settlement they named Last Home. There they awaited their end, huddling close in the darkness as the fel fire of hells legions grew brighter on the horizon.
At last their final day came upon them as their ramshackle home was beset on all sides by an infernal host. The Lords of Sin had halted their advance to take one last look at their fallen adversaries, the better to savour their final act of destruction. They had their legions sing out in the vile noises and harsh raspings of the black speech. They taunted the last men, who cowered within their hovels, and terrified them with dark incantations sung by fallen choirs in hellish tongues.
With all hope lost no man nor woman would make a last stand, and so it fell to a child. Kobayashi Gnomatsu, ten years old and last son of the dragon samurai, picked up his fathers sword and walked out to meet the host of hell in battle.
Standing alone on the cracked dry earth he called out to the demons bidding them to taste his sword. At first Abuchhadnezzarius, chief among the lords of hell did not see him, so small was the childs shadow he cast upon the earth. But when he heard the weak cries of the boy carrying on the wind he laughed. It was a deep and sonorous laugh that carried out across his teeming armies as they each took it up and multiplied it in their own vile expulsions of odourous breath and fire.
Hearing their laughter and watching as Abuchhadnezzarius dropped his hand, letting loose his hordes upon the last of men, Gnomatsu stood firm, but nonetheless began to shake and cry for he knew there was no hope.
It was at this point, high above the sky that Saralmay, Goddess of the Sun cast her eyes down upon the earth. Seeing the boys bravery, she was moved and a single fiery tear rolled down her cheek. It fell from the heavens and burned across the sky, bursting upon the earth right over Gnomatsu, imbuing him and his sword with heavenly fire.
As the hosts of hell broke upon him he raised aloft his burning weapon and its very brightness turned the first wave of demons to ash. But they were great in number and they fell upon him again and again. For seven days and seven nights he fought, wielding the flames of heaven, cleaving horns from head, renting the bodies of hells warriors asunder in fountains of bile and shattered black bones. He seared the hosts of hell with a fire worse than their own, leaving their remains as broken charcoal and ash upon the desert floor.
At last as the seventh night came to a close and dawn began to break, he raised aloft his sword to smite another foe but found that there were none. He stood atop a mountain of corpses, his face and body painted with the demon blood of his enemies, his sword caked in the ichor and slime of ungodly beasts, and upon his face he wore a smile.
In the distance he saw Abuchhadnezzarius lead the scattered remnants of hell back into the underworld, barring the gates behind them. He had won! By the grace of the gods man had been spared. He fell to one knee and called to Salmeray, rising in the morning sky, and pledged allegiance to her on behalf of all mankind until the closing of the world.
His people came blinking out of their hovels and prostrated themselves before him, proclaiming him as Gnomatsu, The Sun King, Destroyer of Demons.
He reigned for one thousand years, over a time of great peace and reconciliation with the gods, in which man prospered and multiplied once again.
On the day he died, it is said that Salmeray herself sent a burning chariot from the sky which bore his soul unto the heavens so that he could remain by her side for all eternity.
But as it turns out all eternity leaves you with a lot of time on your hands, so Gnomatsu, The Sun King, Destroyer of Demons, Consort of Salmeray, Herald of Dawn, Bringer of Light, yada yada, set up this website to keep himself busy with bits of geekery and suchlike!
Em… uh… My name is Kobayashi Gnomatsu or maybe its Sumi Gnomatsu. Okay so that’s not strictly true, but they say beauty is truth, and beauty is whats on the inside, and that inside each of us is a divine spark, and the great spaghetti monster has many names, so like, maybe it is my name!
But names aside I intermittently like to make stuff, usually photoshoppy stuff of a geeky variety, or screeds of text, and I needed somewhere to stash it all. This is it. Enjoy!